


Easier?

by suki_isbisexual



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Falling In Love, Heartbreak, How Do I Tag, I Made Myself Cry, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:27:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29798112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suki_isbisexual/pseuds/suki_isbisexual
Summary: "What gives you the impression that this - any of this - will ever be easy for me?"He sighed and turned away from her, burying his face in his hands, wiping the exhaust from underneath his eyes. She grabbed his arm and forced him to look her in the eyes."Huh, Newt? Why do you think that I will ever be okay? That this won't absolutely destroy me?" Her eyes filled with tears as she peered up at him.-----I'm so terrible at writing summaries but I've had this dialogue in my head for a while now and I wanted to get it on paper. Basically a cancer!Newt & reader AU oneshot. In conclusion, I Am Sad.Disclaimer: I do not own The Maze Runner. All characters in the story (besides Y/n) and other characters belong to James Dashner. All rights go to their respective owners. I do not own Star Trek or any of the characters. I don't own the characters or situations.
Relationships: Brenda (Maze Runner)/Reader, Newt (Maze Runner)/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Easier?

The car ride home was filled with an unsettling silence. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes as her knuckles gripped the steering wheel so tight they were beyond white. This whole thing felt like some strange nightmare, like they had woken up in her worst dream. The possibility of this had surfaced in both of their minds, but they had never dreamed that it might come true. She reached up and wiped one tear from the corner of her eye as she turned onto their street. 

Newt had told her he hadn't been feeling good a couple weeks prior. It started out as a headache, which she attributed to the fact that he spent eight to nine hours per day staring at a computer screen. Then a few days later, he couldn't see out of his left eye. 

"It's probably just a migraine," she had reasoned, "take some Asprin and shut off your computer. There's nothing to worry about." She'd said, rubbing his shoulder and kissing his temple. She'd even joked with him, calling him a baby for complaining about something as routine as a headache. "Oh, please, you're not special. I get a headache every time we watch those bloody Star Trek movies." She'd teased, shoving his shoulder. 

After three restless nights in a row, she'd pushed him to go to the doctor to get it checked out. "Even if it's a migraine - which I'll bet it is, it can't hurt to go get it checked out. Maybe they can give you some of that super strength Advil." He'd agreed and a few hours later they were on their way back to their hospital. 

When the doctor came in and closed the door, the solemn look on her face made her stomach drop. A glioblastoma multiforme, fast growing and deadly. She reached over to grip his hand - the one physical tether bringing her down to earth. Newt looked shocked, his already pale face now a shade of ghostly white. Y/n pulled his head to fit in the crook of her neck. The doctor continued to talk, telling them about possible treatments and options, but she couldn't hear anything other than the sound of his heartbeat. The only thing that the doctor said that made it past the roaring sound of Newts' heartbeat was the timeline - six months. Six months - that was how long they had together. She couldn't believe it, six months? How was she supposed to say goodbye to the love of her life in six months? That wouldn't even take them to the end of the year. All she could do was press gentle kisses to his forehead and squeeze his hand. 

The drive home had been filled with that horrible silence. Newts' hand hadn't left hers since they left the hospital. She looked over at him and smiled weakly. Whatever happened, Newt had always been there for her. Through college, graduate school, long distance, he was always tough for her. She could do this for him - even if it killed her. (Humour had always been her best self defense). 

**two months later**

Two months had gone by and things weren't going .... well. Y/n had always known that Newt was naturally reclusive. Unless he was around her, his family, or any of their mutual friends from college (Minho, Thomas, Gally, Aris, Brenda and Harriet), he was quiet as a mouse. Ever since they'd received the diagnosis, he was even more distant. It was like they'd gone from being completely in love to two strangers simply coexisting. And it was exhausting. She hadn't even come close to comprehending the fact that she was losing him. She didn't even want to think about what it would feel like to watch him take his last breath, whisper his last "I love you,", watch him be buried six feet deep and be stuck here, without him. She figured that she could take advantage of the next six months with him - they could spend every second together and create thousands of memories for her to hold onto after he's gone and a wonderful last six months for him. That was .... not what happened. He was so withdrawn that it didn't even seem like she was living with another person anymore. Two months after the diagnosis, she'd finally had enough. 

It was a late Thursday night when Y/n stompted into their shared bedroom. Newt was curled up on the bed, wrapped in his favorite thick grey blanket. He turned over when the door slammed. 

"Oh... hey," he murmured, turning back around. 

"'Oh, hey,'? That's all you have to say to me?" She demanded, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him back over. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"I'm talking about US, what we've been for the past two months." 

"I think we've been doing fine, why do you think that we aren't?" 

"Because we haven't SAID anything, Newt! We hardly ever talk anymore. I see you, what, twice a day? Sometimes I'm graced with your presence a third time if you use the downstairs bathroom. I guess I should be grateful." She said sarcastically. He sat up, anger blazing in his eyes. 

"Y/n why are YOU angry? I'M the one that has cancer. I'M the one who is DYING. I'M the one with a f*****g death sentence. YOU have no right to be angry with me." He yelled, ripping the sheets off and standing up, towering above her. She sighed and rubbed her forehead. 

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'm just frusturated because I miss you Newt. And in four months, I'm going to have to get used to missing you permanently. I just don't want to waste time -" 

"Waste time? How is me dealing with this in my own way wasting time? Why is it so hard for you to just leave me alone?" 

"Leave you alone? Why is it so hard for me to leave you alone? Because you're my partner, Newt. My fiancé. My home. I wanted to be there for you - just like you've always been there for me. I thought that by being with you I could make this easier for you. Not even easier, just less painful. But if that's what you really want, I will. I'll leave you alone." She stood up and began to leave. Before she walked through the doorway, she turned around and looked at him. He was sitting on the bed, bent over at the hips. "Just know ... you're not going through this alone." He looked up at her.

"I am, actually. I am the one that HAS the cancer. I'm the one who's going to die in four months. You'll be fine." At that, she slowly turned around. Her stature was different now - now she was angry. 

"Are you kidding me? I'll be fine?" He stood up at that, storming towards her until her back was pressed up against the wall. 

"YES! You will. Life will go on for you. You'll find someone else, get married, pump out a couple of kids, and live a perfectly happy life. Hell, maybe you'll get a position on the PTA. This whole thing should go easy for you." He said, anger seeping through his tone. 

""What gives you the impression that this - any of this - will ever be easy for me?" She fumed. 

He sighed and turned away from her, burying his face in his hands, wiping the exhaust from underneath his eyes. She grabbed his arm and forced him to look her in the eyes.

"Huh, Newt? Why do you think that I will ever be okay? That this won't absolutely destroy me?" Her eyes filled with tears as she peered up at him. "And yeah, maybe you'll be dead, but I won't. I will be here, alone, without you. And yeah, maybe this whole 'thing' will be over for you, but it will never be over for me. I will see you everywhere. Every time I wake up in the morning, every time I close my eyes at night, every time I see something I love, every moment of every day I will see you. But you won't really be there, and I'll be stuck living the life that we built together with a ghost. And that, Newt? That will kill me. This whole 'thing' will break me. Let's even entertain the idea that I do find someone else." Tears were streaming down her face now, but she didn't stop. "I will never be able to love anyone the way that I love you. Not even close. And while I'm building that life with someone else, all I will be able to do is think about how it should be us. It should be us shoving boxes into the back of your ridiculously small car to go to our new apartment. It should be us, crying and laughing as you get down on one knee to ask me to spend the rest of our lives together. It should be us arguing over what color to paint the kitchen in our new house. And my whole world will crumble when I wake up every morning, roll over, and discover it's some guy next to me and not the love of my life. So you may think that this is just your thing, your burden, but it's ours. Just like every other thing, it's ours. And I am not letting you go through this alone, okay? So, I'm sorry about what I said before. Whatever you need, I'm here for you. If you need to cry, scream, yell, binge junk food or watch a marathon of Star Trek, I'm here. Or if you just want to be alone, I get that too. I love you." she finished, wiping a tear from her eye and turning to leave. 

Just as she was about to cross the threshold, his hand wrapped around her upper arm and pulled her back into his arms. She didn't hesitate encircling her arms around him, bringing him impossibly closer to her. Soft, muffled cries quickly turned into full fledged sobs which were unceremoniously ripped from his throat. Tears flowed freely down his face. What she never knew was that he wasn't crying because he was sad about dying. He had come to terms with that about a week after the diagnosis. He was crying because he couldn't stand the thought that he was leaving her alone in a world where he couldn't protect her. Where he couldn't comfort her when she's sad, hold her hand when she's scared, wipe away the tears on her worst days. Newt wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, vowing to love her until the last day of his life. 

**four months later**  
Four months later and Newt had kept his promise. He and Y/n had gotten closer in those few months and it had been wonderful. They spent every day together, cooking and napping - Y/n even agreed to rewatch the Star Trek movies (& pay attention to the movie this time and not to the cute look Newt got on his face every time Spock does his "Live long and prosper" hand gesture.). It was a perfect last four months, and they were both grateful for every moment of it. However, that didn't make goodbye any less painful. 

Y/n and Brenda stood over Newt's casket as they prepared to lower it into the ground. Brenda stood behind her friend, one arm wrapped around her shoulder and the rubbing up and down her upper arm. Her husband, Thomas (Newt's best friend) stood on her other side. Y/n placed a kiss to her fingertips and pressed it to the lid of the coffin. 

'Newt, I could stand here and say some cliche thing like “I’ll always love you,”, but I won’t, because I won’t waste both of our time by saying something so blatantly obvious. I love you, Newt. Indefinitely. And I want you to be at peace, so please don’t worry about me. I’m a tough gal. We learned that after that situation with the dog from next door (was he really that scary? no. was the drool disgustingly terrifying? Absolutely yes.). Rest easy, my love. I’ll see you soon.' She thought, smiling weakly. 

As Newts' coffin was lowered into the ground, Brenda shifted so she was fully hugging Y/n, burying her face in Y/n's shoulder, and Thomas wrapped his arms around the two of them.


End file.
